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PRESIDENTS
MESSAGE
No message this
week  The
Transit Of Venus Accoss The Sun!
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Passion
For Life Gala Pink and Black Ball and Charity Auction
Saturday June 26th
Hilton Cairns
Fabulous food, interstate band Abbey Road,
Dance Agency floorshow and auction with Peter Roggenkamp.
Tickets are $90 and all proceeds are also donated to Lifeline
for servivce in our local area.
Tables of 10 are available.
Would like to get a Rotary table at each event - or maybe
2!
Please let Sandy know ASAP as tickets
are already selling.
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Last Week.
Jim Watson announced the birth of his 12th grandchild!
We received $400.00 for the club's efforts manning the cloak
room at the Garden Show.
Ted Elliott presented a copy of TerrEstrial to the club
The directors informed us that they thought that the club
needs a Public Relations officer.
Members willing to get the Give A Damn, Give A Can project
back on line were called for.
Garry announced that the club might be holding a Sportsman's
Dinner in August, perhaps with the Cairns Sunrise Club.
David again updated us on the Duck Race to be held on 25th
September.
Guests were Dennis Morgan, Colin Wakefield, Judy Shirvington,
Gina Ciranni, Sophie and Joop.
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Rotary 4-Way Test
1.
Is it the TRUTH?
2. Is it FAIR to all concerned?
3. Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?
4. Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?
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Our
Paul Harris Fellows
Rotarians
Sandy Astill, Max Bryant, Graham Cossins,
David Court, Jeff Crofts, Rupert Crossland, Herman Ehrlich, Bob
Fowler, Col Koppen, Bernie Mullins, Jim Watson, Denise Mitchell,
David Kirchner,
Honorary
Members
Ted Elliot OAM, Brian Fowler, Beres
McKeown, Bernie Mullins, Les Trevenan
Past Club
Members
Geoff Canton
Non
Rotarians
Christine Fairbrother
Harold Falge
Margaret Jarvis
Geoff Guest
Lou Piccone
Lionel Williamson
TerrEstrial
Georgetown
A lavishly produced, full colour pictorial keepsake,
with stories and anecdotes about Ted Elliott and some of the exhibits
in this extraordinary mineral collection is now available.
This book is a 297 X 210 mm full gloss 32 page
publication containing around 60 brilliant colour photographs of
displays and individual specimens through the collection, and a
perforated centrefold containing 8 postcards.
The Chicken Joke
On a farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom
loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the horse
fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse
whinnied for the chicken to get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving
at the farm, he searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he
had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken
spied the farmer’s new Z-3 series BMW finding the keys inside, the
chicken sped off with length of rope, hoping he still had time to
save his friend’s life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy
to see the chicken arrive in the shiny BMW and he managed to get
a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying
the other end to the rear bumper of the farmers car, the chicken
drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful car, rescued
the horse! Happy and proud the chicken drove the BMW back to the
farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented:
best buddies, best pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit,
and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save
his life! The horse thought for a moment, walked over, and straddled
the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab
his “thing” and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken
got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his
life.
The Moral Of The Story
When your hung like a horse. You don’t need a BMW
to pick up the chicks.
A Very Limp Duck
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary
surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his
stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or
two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your
pet has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? "Yes,
I'm sure. The duck is dead," he replied. "How can you be so sure",
she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything.
He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left
the room. He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador
Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood
on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and
sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with
sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned
a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the
table and also sniffed the bird from its peak to its tail and back
again. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed
softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room. The vet looked
at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely,
100% certifiably, a dead duck."
Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit
a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The
duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried.
"$150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!"
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my
word for it, the bill would have been $20. But what with the Lab
Report and the Cat Scan, it all adds up."
Odd Spots
Tuesday June 8, 2004
A drunken man gave passers-by an eyeful in Woodstock, Ontario, when
he got out of a cab at a car wash, stripped off and started to have
a wash under the sprays. Police cut short his shower.
Monday June 7, 2004 A Welsh man who caught and sold
a rare three-metre sturgeon could be charged because it was classified
by King Edward II as a "royal fish" and must first be offered to
the monarch.
Saturday June 5, 2004 British researchers have
found that the country's ducks have distinct regional accents, with
ducks from London sounding rougher so that other birds can hear
them above the city drone.
Friday June 4, 2004 An elderly Taiwanese man who
fell 12 storeys from his balcony while changing a light bulb suffered
only minor bruises, his fall broken by an awning and a car. "This
is a miracle," said the doctor who treated him.
Thursday June 3, 2004 Police in Hamburg stopped
a slow-moving car and found the driver to be an unlicensed 102-year-old
man.
Wednesday June 2, 2004 Careers Scotland, an employment
assistance body in Britain, is under fire after getting its staff
to wear T-shirts saying "Make it in Scotland", which were actually
made in Morocco.
Tuesday June 1, 2004 An Italian village has created
the world's first car park for lovers. Vinci's 72 spaces for night-time
hanky-panky were established so that couples would not have to fear
arrest.
Monday May 31, 2004 Englishman Mike McKee was given
away at his wedding by his ex-wife, Kay Whittaker - and his best
man was her fiance. "Some might think we're weird, but we're all
very close friends," he said.
Saturday May 29, 2004 British scientists spent
two days making sandcastles and developed a formula for the perfect
mix for a sandcastle: 0.125 x S = OW, where S is the quantity of
sand, and OW is the quantity of water.
Friday May 28, 2004 A bank robber in New Jersey
asked a cashier for a lift to his getaway car. The cashier refused
so Ernest Di Falco had staff call him a taxi. When it arrived, they
gave the registration number to police.
Thursday May 27, 2004 A fly-hating businessman in
China has swatted 8 million flies in a 10-year vendetta. Hu Xilin,
from Zhejiang province, began killing flies after one landed in
a meal as he dined with a client.
Wednesday May 26, 2004 An alternative medicine guru
in China is being sued by a man who almost died after he was told
to eat six raw frogs a day to cure neck pain. He had munched down
130 frogs before collapsing.
Tuesday May 25, 2004 A 20-year-old German who stole
food from a service station emerged to find a 100-strong police
unit taking a break outside. The station's glass walls had allowed
them all to watch his theft.
Monday May 24, 2004 A rapid DNA-based paternity
test kit claimed to be 99.99 per cent reliable has gone on sale
to the public in Italy at a price of 700 euros ($A1204).
Saturday May 22, 2004 When an Irishwoman was woken
by a noise, she called out, "Who's there?" The burglar, neighbour
Tomas Sheerin, replied, "It's me, Tommy." He was "a few bushes short
of a shrubbery", his lawyer told the court.
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