Battlefield Earth boasts the very dubious distinction of having earnt the lowest rating I’ve seen on the Internet Movie Database (http://www.imdb.com). The votes come from critics and the public. Out of ten, the average score would be about 6.5. Hardly any film gets less than 5. Battlefield Earth got 2.4!!!!!!!
And the writers have left their names on the credits too! They’re brave or silly because the dialogue for Battlefield Earth is diabolical. If this film didn’t take itself very seriously they would be laughably bad. I won’t mention their names here but Mr Mandell and Mr Shapiro, you know who they are.
It’s about the year 3000 (BC or AD, not sure). The Pyschlos, a giant belligerent lot from another planet, have invaded Earth, razed our cities, killed off most humans and are mining the planet for gold. They have enslaved some humans to use as slave labour.
Rebel bands of humans are living in the forests reduced to skins and spears and one of them, laughably called Jonnie Goodboy (Barry Pepper, the marksman from Saving Private Ryan), decides to ride out of their cave and find out what’s going on out in the big world. He’s captured by the Pyschlos and taken to their city in chains.
He leads a revolt and the humans rise Spartacus like and do battle with the Psychlos for control of the planet. Guess who wins? Apart from again pointing out the woeful dialogue there are a few more problems.
John Travolta, stars as Terl, head of Psychlo security, but I’ll bet you can hardly tell it’s him, even though he must be in 90% of the scenes. He’s 9 foot tall and very well hidden indeed behind gallons of latex. And he doesn’t even smoke cigarettes! How can you hire Travolta at probably $20 million and not let him further explore the art of smoking? And how can you give him a part where he is invariably nasty, without a laugh or even a dance. Waste of time.
Forrest Whitaker plays his sidekick Ker and is given the only decent lines but he certainly doesn’t save the film. Then there are the humans. They use stilted talk, caveman style, defining every syllable, at least early on in the cave, but thankfully that’s later forgotten. It’s interesting too how cave men always talk American, be they in the past or in the future.
Pepper is no more than an action hero, racing about, and just ready to sire a new generation of ascendant humans once the filth from the stars have exited. Haven’t we seen that dozen’s of times before. There must be hundreds of cliches like that in Battlefield Earth.
If you haven’t left already you have the chance late in the film to be amazed by just how smart and fortunate these humans are. You did know that cave men can learn to efficiently fly Harrier Jets in a few hours, well enough to shoot down alien spaceships. Didn’t you?
One Mauled Maggot