Armageddon

But I'm not getting bored with disaster films.

Bring on the calamities, as long as they're only on film, and particularly as long as they continue to belt into New York. If there's to be a tidal wave let it wet the skirts of the Statue Of Liberty. Better there than in Niu Guinea, for real.

But there are entertaining disaster films and there are lousy disaster flicks. Of the relatively recent offerings, Dante's Peak and Deep Impact are terrific movies. Godzilla,

Volcano and Armageddon are bores.

It's no good just tearing through the population and ripping up the town. We need to care about the victims and there has to be something new.

Armageddon is designed to be popcorn fare; a movie for everyone; designed to throw in a bit of everything and like most films that tries to please all, it fundamentally disappoints.

Armageddon progresses through a series of set pieces, some of which admittedly are well done, but still they are set, predictable pieces.

The plot isn't surprising. Nothing is in Armageddon. A hunk of rock the "size of Texas" is speeding towards the earth and needs to be blown up from the inside by "the best deep core drillers on the planet".

Enter Bruce Willis playing Dan Truman and his band of hard core, bad to the bone drillers a "dirty dozen" who drink hard, love hard and think hardly at all.

They are crash coursed as astronauts and sent off to a dilapidated Russian space station which of course blows up. (I'd bet that if it had been American and had blown up it wouldn't have been because of a rusty handle breaking off!)

Willis and his mates then blow up the asteroid.

The cast do try to make something of a film that is no more than a succession of almost unrelated disaster sketches but it's a hard hole to dig.

Steve Buscemi in particular, who's great in everything he touches, rolls his bulgy eyes and looks appropriately reluctant and Liv Tyler is still gorgeous. But who cares in the end.